And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
