i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
