Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
