take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
