Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
