Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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