physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize