Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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