Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
