Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
