Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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