wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize