so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
