I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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