what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
