I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
