i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
