the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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