i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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