six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
