He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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