How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
zippers are such a cool invention
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
