the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
