??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
