But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
