i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
