I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
