thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
