i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
