Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
