Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
