I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
