well I can't set my house on fire every night
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
