he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Every concussion has its silver lining
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
