Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
