I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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