2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
