Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize