so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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