Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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