A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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