Apparently you make a good broom.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
