Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
MIDGETS
????
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
