Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
