Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
