why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize