There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Also, beer. Big fan.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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