I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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