If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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