Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
