I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
