My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
