Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
