Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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