Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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