I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
