I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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