no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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