Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
