thus making me awesome and them whores
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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