he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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