why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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