Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
