last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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